雅思作文修改版

TR Answer all parts of the task Present a clear position throughout the task 6.0 5 addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive presents, extends and supports main ideas, but 6 Extend and support main ideas 7 there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus CC Paragraph 5.5 6 uses paragraphing, but not always logically arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression makes inadequate, inaccurate or over-use of cohesive devices Logical organization of essay 6 Cohesive devices 5 LR Range 7.0 7 uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation Accuracy 7 GRA Grammatical Range Accuracy of grammar 7.0 7 uses a variety of complex structures 7 has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors Score（四项所得分） 25.5/6.5 Other Items Affecting Score （扣分项） Under length Off-topic x x No. of words Memorized 285 —— Penalty Illegible 6.5 = 6.5 – 0.0 0.0 —— Overall Band Score (最终分数) 外教一对一淘宝店：英语同桌

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老师的批改使用了word的备注, 请务必用PC端看, 请勿使用<预览>/手机/平板.

band range band range 9 8.5 8 7.5 7 6.5 6 5.5 5 4.5 [35-36] [33-35) [31-33) [29-31) [27-29) [25-27) [23-25) [21-23) [19-21) [17-19) 4 3.5 3 2.5 2 1.5 1 0.5 0 —— [15-17) [13-15) [11-13) [9-11) [7-9) [5-7) [3-5) [1-3) [0-1) —— 外教一对一淘宝店：英语同桌

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Question:

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible.

What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? Analysis:

Question type Discussion Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. 1. Discuss why some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. 2. Discuss why others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. 3. Discuss the advantages of attending school from a young age. Topic Real writing tasks Synonyms or related words People – individuals Children – youth Allowed – permitted Important – significant School – learning institution

Student Answer:

The issue of whether youngsters would benefit from schooling at the age before six or

外教一对一淘宝店：英语同桌

EnglishPartner雅思作文修改

seven has been a dilemma to many parents. Contrary to the advocates of children‘s late education, this essay supports that there are many advantages of children experiencing school lives at a young age.

Comment

 The topics are stated.  This shows what are to be discussed in the following paragraphs.  The progression of ideas within the sentences are logical.  No punctuation error.  The range of vocabularies used is adequate.  Error in word choice and form noted.  Grammatical error in sentence formation, singular and plural agreement noted.  Complex sentences are used. 1. Use article ―the‖ to refer to something in particular. 2. The ―‘s‖ is used when referring to someone possession or when a noun is in its plural form. Learn when and when not to use this as the meaning changes the idea of the sentence when used inappropriately. Task Response Coherence and Cohesion Lexical Resource Grammatical Range and Accuracy Suggestions

Opponent of early schooling on children may claim that it would exert detrimental effects on children‘s wellbeing and developments; nevertheless, the reality of the situation turns out to be opposite.

Comment Task Response

 The topic sentence is provided but the supporting details are separated. 外教一对一淘宝店：英语同桌

EnglishPartner雅思作文修改

 This answers to the second and third task.  No error in cohesive device use.  No punctuation error.  The progression of ideas within the sentence is logical.  The range of vocabulary used is sufficient.  Common and less common words are used. Coherence and Cohesion Lexical Resource Grammatical Range and Accuracy  No grammatical error noted.  Complex sentence is used. This is the central topic for the second and third tasks so the viewpoints and supporting details should follow in the same paragraph. Suggestions Primarily, by attending nursery schools, youngsters are able to foster social skills earlier. Given that more companions are available in schools, children can engage in activities and games that involve group work, which will undoubtedly help cultivate their social abilities like team spirit. Furthermore, spending a whole day in nursery schools determine that children have to deal with their everyday lives on their own, including incidents and emergencies. This situation is especially true when

considering the fact that a kindergartener usually have a whole class to look after and will not be able to keep a wary eye on everyone. Therefore, under this circumstance, children are more likely to grow up independently, and foster personalities such as toughness and adaptability.

Comment

 This has a centralized topic although separated.  The supporting details are sufficient and accurate.  The flow of ideas with the paragraph is logical.  No error in punctuation and cohesive devise use.  The variety of words used is sufficient for the paragraph.  Error in word choice noted. Task Response Coherence and Cohesion Lexical Resource Grammatical Range and Accuracy Suggestions  No grammatical error.  Complex sentence structures are used. Avoid error in word choice by using familiar word. Some may look the same but their meanings differ so we have to know if the 外教一对一淘宝店：英语同桌

EnglishPartner雅思作文修改

sentence need an adjective or a verb. In addition, large quantities of learning resources and facilities are available within school as well as strategies, which are in the best interests of children‘s efficient learning and by no means are families capable of proving these. Moreover, with the well-trained teachers available in school, children are ensured to learn systematically and disciplinary.

Comment

 The viewpoint and supporting details are sufficient and accurate.  This provides additional information to the topic being discussed at the first paragraph.  The flow of ideas with the paragraph is not logical.  No error in punctuation use.  Error in cohesive device : linking words and phrase to list arguments are noted.  The variety of words used is sufficient for the paragraph.  The common and less common words are accurately used. Task Response Coherence and Cohesion Lexical Resource Grammatical Range and Accuracy  No grammatical error.  Complex sentence structures are used. You can use words or short phrases which help to guide your reader through your writing, and to link sentences, paragraphs and sections both forwards and backwards. Suggestions On the other hand, some researchers argued that early schooling may have negative effects on the children‘s development. According to the survey, they found that delaying kindergarten for one year reduced inattention and hyperactivity by 73 percent for an average child at age 11 and it virtually eliminated the probability that an average child at that age would have an ‗abnormal,‘ or higher-than-normal rating for the inattentive-hyperactive behavioral measure.

In conclusion, a variety of advantages can be achieved through early schooling on children. Meanwhile, they still spend plenty of after-school time with their parents,

外教一对一淘宝店：英语同桌

EnglishPartner雅思作文修改

thus they are benefited from both surroundings.

Comment

 This summarizes the previous discussions.  It supported the introduction.  No error in cohesive device and punctuation use.  The development of ideas within the sentences is logical.  The range of vocabularies used is adequate.  No error in word choice and form. Task Response Coherence and Cohesion Lexical Resource Grammatical Range and Accuracy Suggestions  No grammatical error.  Complex sentences are used. 外教一对一淘宝店：英语同桌